Ghosts

it's been a while.
well, what is there to say? the new year came and went and with it there went a big part of my heart, my family and my joy.
i wasn't really in the place to write something. anything.
but in the last week there have been talks and somehow, accidentally, i found answers. and with them i found new strengths and a will to change, once again.

tonight is a silent one. i had a very honest and beautiful talk with the sweetest roommate anyone could wish for.

he recommended to listen to these to songs, and now they haunt me.

You see I bleed on the side
It's a part time thing, a private affair
I try to keep it out of the light.

almost silent night

so vincent is up in the north fighting for his career and while i miss him very much i listen to some lovely music, eat christmas cookies and drink my green tea.

boy, the year is coming near its end and it's actually the first time i start thinking about making new year's resolutions. when i was a child my parents always asked me what they were and i would just say: to be more hardworking and be good at school (but i never was).

so much happened this year which made me mature on so many different levels that i want to work  on having goals. not huge in the far future goals (of course i have those, somehow..) but little ones and a little bigger ones like saving money for an adventure with V. in the summer. we thought about iceland. and taiwan. and japan.
but we'll see.

do you already think about the new year and what it might bring? or are you living in the 2012-moment what soon will come to an end?

i wish you a lovely night.

nine

Today, nine years ago, me and Vincent first got together. We were 14 and slept over at a friends house.

Sometime around 2 am everyone was asleep and while the moon shone bright and round we shared a kiss.

I love you, Vincent.

Always.

Future

The past couple of weeks have been interesting. Apart from having held the worst presentation in my academic life since the 8th grade most of the things happening where quite positive.
I turned 23 last week and so far everything seems to change. Mostly in my head. Maybe i am seeing myself as an adult more and more and that's somehow very...liberating.

I am going to extend my stay here in Switzerland for another semester and am a little exited about it. Because how things have been going lately it could happen, that i won't return to Vienna in the near future or all together.

Vincent and me are talking more about our future together and there might be pretty big changes coming up, which i find sooo exiting.
Normally i am very intimidated by changes at first. I know i am capable of adapting to new situations but that doesn't necessarily mean i like it. But in this case i am thrilled.

For the last couple of months i wasn't in a very happy state of mind. Not going in a direction you are totally comfortable with is very stressful. I was doubting myself constantly. Now i just want to take a turn and break out all together. I haven't figured everything out, yet. But i am exited and full of positive energy.

yay, for change!